Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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