somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
