Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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