We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
