Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
