Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She needs sedatives and a leash
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
