If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
