I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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