This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
