I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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