no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
