I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
