just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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