these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
