I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
