I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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