good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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