I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
