wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
