Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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