I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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