I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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