the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
