remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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