pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
