put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
