I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
