This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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