Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
