My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
