goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
