Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
