The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
