her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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