Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
