I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
