I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
