She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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