Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
