In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
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I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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