well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
