That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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