I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
