Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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