Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
