My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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