I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
