guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends