It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair