Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
