So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
