I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
