That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
