I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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