Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
