The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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