JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
