ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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