I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
