Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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