we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
