I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
