No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
