i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
