so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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