I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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