I just threw up on my dentist
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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