yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
