saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
